Dana spent years waiting to get married. She had longed to be a wife and mother since college. She started her own cake-decorating business, which was quite successful. She had a large group of friends who loved her, and she was active in her community.
But she still could not shake the feeling she was missing something. A nagging sense of unhappiness followed her everywhere she went. She was always thinking about how wonderful her life would be once she had the husband and children she longed for.
When Dana agreed to go on a mission trip overseas, her perspective was radically altered. She met women in a war-torn area who were rebuilding their lives after losing their spouses, suffering sexual violence, and, in some cases, even losing their children.
Yet many of these women got up each day and reached for happiness. They let themselves find wonder and delight in ordinary things and moments.
Moved by their stories, Dana returned to her country with a new idea. She would no longer wait for happiness. Instead of waiting to purchase her first home until she found her husband, she decided to buy a house now.
Dana is not alone. Many people put off happiness for months or years. They say they cannot truly embrace life until some future event happens.
You’re in the same place. You keep telling yourself you will be happy when you land that dream job, get the adoption paperwork to go through, or finally have enough money in the bank. But waiting for happiness is always a bad idea. Here is why…
Chasing Happiness Is Exhausting
The problem with waiting to be happy is that you are always chasing happiness, and that is exhausting. You might eventually get the job, relationship, or money you wanted. But as soon as you have it, you will start fixating on the next thing you need to become happy. This creates a cycle of dissatisfaction with your life, leaving you feeling burned out, disillusioned, and even cynical.
You Settle for Less Than Your Dreams
If you wait for happiness to appear magically, you will settle into many areas of your life. You will put off what you want to do until certain circumstances align. You keep putting off a cruise until you lose fifty pounds or tell yourself you will return to school when your kids are grown.
But putting off your dreams makes you resentful. You are resentful of your current life and your responsibilities. You are envious of others and what they are doing. You are comparing yourself to those around you and finding even more reasons to be unhappy.
Chasing Happiness Robs You of the Present
When you are always focused on how happy you will be one day, you miss out on the joy of being happy today. You are so focused on the future that you miss out on your present. But the present is the only moment you have. You are not promised the future, and there are no guarantees.
You are Not Focused on Your Values
When you chase happiness, you make decisions based on external things that do not matter to you. For example, you might choose whether to make a large purchase based on what friends or family members think.
But when you know your values, making decisions that truly make you happy is easier. You are not worried about what others want you to do or how they will view your choices.
Chasing Happiness Keeps You from Authenticity
It is hard to be authentic if you are always looking for happiness. Since you are seeking something that seems just outside your reach, it may feel like you are wearing a mask or do not fit in with everyone else. This hurts your relationships because you cannot be your authentic self.
You Miss Out on New Things
When waiting to be happy, dismissing new opportunities and projects is easy. Instead of looking at these gifts as a chance to grow, you worry that you will “miss out” if you accept that job in a new city or try to sign up for that art program you have wanted to take. But the happier you are now, the more likely you will attract the very thing for which you’ve been searching.
You Cling Tightly to the Plan
Mandy Hale said, “Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything it is.”
If you are chasing happiness, it is easy to develop a mental picture of what your life should look like and cling tightly to the plan. But what if it does not happen? Is it possible for you to still celebrate all the fantastic things about your life?
You Can Embrace All of Your Emotions
It is beautiful to be happy, and it is natural to want to be satisfied. But when you are focused solely on pursuing happiness, it can be easy to repress other uncomfortable emotions. You might bury them under work, compulsive shopping, or another activity.
But finding happiness does not mean you will never be sad again. Even if you get what you want, there will still be difficult days. There is no such thing as Utopia, and thinking there can lead to disappointment when you finally get what you want.
Instead of hiding your emotions if they do not align with how you want to feel, welcome them. Thank them for showing up, and give yourself space to feel everything. Let yourself feel anger, sadness, grief, or anything else you might be coping with.
Simply acknowledging that you are unhappy at this moment can be incredibly freeing. You can say, “I am not happy. I am having a difficult day because of…”
By getting the painful emotions out, the irony is that you make room for more true happiness in your life and relationships.
Chasing Happiness Steals Your Gratitude
Looking at what you do not have is a sure way to miss the blessing of gratitude. You are so busy seeing what you lack that you do not take the time to appreciate all the beautiful things you do have.
You do not have your dream job. But what are the blessings in your life? Perhaps you have a supportive spouse or a best friend who believes in your dreams. You have kids who think you are the best mom in the world or a teacher who encourages you regularly.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is grab a pen and make a list. Put positive energy out into the Universe and let it feel your gratitude for your current blessings. That is a sure way to attract better things into your life!
Happiness Is an Inside Job
William Arthur Ward once said, “Happiness is an inside job.”
The truth of this quote is that happiness is not external. It is not found in a job, relationship, home, or big purchase. Happiness is a choice. It is one you must make each day and does not come from the external. It stems from the internal from your determination to be happy.
If you have been putting off happiness, then this is terrific news. You do not have to wait anymore. You can decide to be happy right now, right where you are. Nothing else is required.
Your Thoughts
Step back and observe your thoughts on how you feel about your current life. Is there room for you to feel happy about what you have or do you see what you are missing?
Women’s Group Topic
Have a brainstorming meeting around all the areas you like in your life – the people, work, and experiences that bring you joy.
Be well,
Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)
Other Topics You May Be Interested In
How to Minimize Tolerations in Your Life
The Power of Daily Practice
How Good of a Listener Are You?
Do you want to download a PDF copy of both of these books, then go to:
