Do you ever get frustrated, annoyed, or angry with another person? Silly question…isn’t it. We all react to people, places, or things in our lives that don’t seem to work for us. Some things that bother me:
- The bus ride that made me late for a client’s meeting,
- having to wait in line,
- healthy food is much more expensive than junk food and is rarely on sale,
- the wet weather that permeates every cell of my body and I can’t get warm,
- someone not doing what they promised,
- an oil spill that hurts the environment,
- working with highly reactive clients,
- and the list goes on so don’t want to bore you.
A Problem For Me
One situation, in particular, can challenge my patience. For me, it is to be cornered by a “talker.” This person is just talking, oblivious to my presence and just happy to have an ear or a warm body present to unleash all those words roaming in their head. I don’t feel that they are the least bit interested in me, nor do I need to be there because they don’t see me or anyone else for that matter. I guess you can tell I have strong feelings about this topic.
Well in the spirit of peace, which is my focus now, how do I deal with this situation? I need to soften my reactions and find a place to create peace within myself and in my interaction with this other person. It doesn’t mean that I sit and listen. It’s more about taking a step back to see that their need is draining them as well. If you look at them when they are talking, they seem energized and not the least bit drained, yet they are running so fast from something. What can I do to minimize the drain for both of us?
Compulsive talkers are not bad people; instead, they don’t have a turn-off switch that helps them monitor their behavior. If I see it as a faulty mechanism and not as a person who isn’t interested in me, it changes my whole perspective. It’s not all about me.
How can I switch my frustration into a more gentle perspective around the person? I could say to them it seems you have a lot to say, and I would love to hear it, but I only have 10 minutes to spare. Does that work for you? Another thought…I would love to hear what you have to say, but for me interacting together is more important and I would like to share my thoughts as well. Does that work for you? That would give them a new perspective on their talking, and I feel more at peace with myself because I’ve decided to take care of myself and still be respectful of them.
We all have people, places, or things that annoy us. How much energy are we willing to give to a situation that isn’t what we wanted or expected? After we get annoyed, do we do anything to change the situation or talk about it in a powerless manner?
One of the 12-step meeting teachings is you can’t control people, places, or things; instead, you can manage your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. I don’t want to give away my life energy to annoyance in situations I don’t have control over. I can’t change a compulsive talker, but I can change my reaction and also change the situation, so it works for me.
Your Thoughts
Do you feel the burden of anger and frustration taking a toll on your life? Create a list of everything that bothers you, look at each item, and see if you can let them go or do something to change it.
It’s fun to clear out the clutter of our minds….don’t you agree.
Women’s Group Topics
All groups have someone who likes to talk a lot and how do you handle this topic in the group. “Essentials for Starting a Women’s Group” does address this, and it’s a great discussion to have to ensure that everyone in the group has a turn sharing.
Be well,
Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)
Other Posts You May Be Interested In
Self-Help Technique – Emotional Freedom Technique
How To Stay Present in the Moment
Do You Feel Powerless?
