I’m coasting along my path in life, minding my own business (well not exactly) when a significant change comes into my world. Have you had this experience? One day you have one reality, and the next day it changes.
I have a close friend, the type where you hang out with and talk about everything and nothing in particular and I am comfortable to be me. She has a beautiful smile, cute sense of humor and is a great problem solver. We have shared children, boyfriends, other friends, and business and have formed a deep relationship built from all the layers of everyday life and being there for each other for the last 24 years. I trust and treasure our friendship.
About three weeks ago, we were relaxing outside her backyard, enjoying the sun and catching up with each other. We do a lot talking during the week, but face-to-face time is such a treat. My friend owned real estate and had mentioned in the past that if this one house in Las Vegas were available, they would think of moving from New York to Las Vegas. I took this as casual talk, talk that you never think will materialize. The move would only be for financial reasons as she is feeling the stress of maintaining several houses in this market. Money issues, whether up or down, can motivate us to change.
She casually mentioned the house was now available, and I responded with this is a good time for you to take care of yourself and reduce the financial stresses. We have both had health challenges, and I’m a believer that stress exacerbates and makes us physically vulnerable. I kept pursuing the conversation with her.
As the conversation evolved, we started to get into the details of what this move would look like for her. She has her software consulting business and how would this move affect her relationship with her clients. She is critical to the success of her clients, and she is intimate with all of their accounting software, which runs their business. As we started to problem solve all the challenges a move would entail, she began to own the reality of the move. As she unraveled all the entanglements of living in her current home, she saw she could make a move.
In the three weeks, she has rented her home in New York, started to sell her furniture, contacted movers, spoke to her clients, family, and friends about the move. The great gift of this move, besides financial relief, is she will be next to her daughter and she will come back to New York regularly to service her clients.
From July 5th until August 21st, she will break down a life long residency in New York and create a new life in Las Vegas.
I got home that night, sat down and started to absorb the impact of our conversation. I asked myself “what did you do?” I was so busy being in her world, helping her sort out what she needed to do to take care of herself that I didn’t sit with my feelings. It will be a change…she is no longer is an easy drive away. No more face-to-face long lunches and even longer hours together drinking coffee, then continuing our conversation over decaf tea because we had too much caffeine. We never ran out of words and enjoyed the luxury of having all the time in the world. Now our time together will be parceled out, as her time will be limited and many people to see while in New York.
I know we will see each other, but I also know that I can’t casually drive 40 minutes to hang out for the day with her. We will continue to talk, but the 3-hour difference will limit our time. We always joked that I didn’t call her before 9:00 am and she didn’t call me after 9:00 pm. No longer will she be close by and on the same time zone.
I do love this dear friend, and I’m willing to let her go because it’s the best solution for her. Letting go means, I’m ok with her decision. Yes, I’m sad that we will lose some of the easiness of being together. The life lesson I’ve learned is I don’t need to be fearful of this change because we still have more of life to share.
Your Thoughts
What changes have an impact on your life and what was the outcome for you? Did the initial uncomfortableness with the change turn into something useful or did you have to grieve around the change?
Women’s Group Topics
Change is an everyday action even if you are not aware of it. Our bodies are in constant motion and are never the same. It just takes us some time to recognize that it’s changing. What about other changes in your life? Talk about how change makes you comfortable/uncomfortable and how to encourage/block any changes that occur in your daily life.
Be well,
Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)
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Hey there, that was really a nice write up of friendship. Love is about freedom, so setting it free mean you do really treasured your friendship.
Have a nice day and take care.
i feel just like we out grow clothes and relationships, we also outgrow freinds. you will know when after you talk to these freinds you feel as if someone has such all of the energy out of you. i’m not saying dont have any relationship with your freind but i’m saying you have to look at limiting the time and energy you donate to him or her.
Hi Sharon
Yes, you aptly described how I feel right now. Letting go of the sorrow and letting my friend go freely without the drag of loss. We will never lose contact…it’s only physical space.
Thanks for sharing.
Pat
Pak, that last message was for you…I looked to quickly at the name.
Sharon, sometimes we do outgrow friendships. In this case, I will never outgrow this person…she has added a lot of depth to my life.
Pat
I really like this blog… I can relate to alot of the stories you have posted on it, and look forward to reading more!
I can feel the sadness. It’s such a nice blog about friendship and a great example of selfless love. BTW, don’t despair, the joy of meeting her will be doubled once you get the opportunity to spend time with her in the future. It’s sure to come..
I will probably savor our time together in a different way now. It will always be a treat to see her…what a wonderful feeling.
Thank you all for your kind words of wisdom.
Pat
really had great time reading your blogs! its very inspiring.Thank God for all the people who touches my life in this very simple way. God bless as all.
I came across this at the right time it seems. Although I have not had a 24 year friendship with my Anna, I still have to break the news that we may have to move quite a distance away to earn more money. We have been inseparable this year, and I have to own my feelings of sadness about the transition for her as well as for us. She’s single, where as I’m married. I fear this will devastate her, but in reading your article, I kind of understand that it will be ok. If it is meant to be it will whether all storms, right?
Helena
http://blog.rawrmones.net/
I was searching for blogs that doesnt do reviews of anything and I happen upon your blog! Your blog is what I’m looking for, blog that shares real life experiences and lessons, I already read some of your post and they are really good, tackling bout the real life and how you face and handled them. Too bad I cant follow u coz Im on blogspot. I’m also just starting out on blogging. I hope I will be able to express my thoughts and feelings like you do so well in words…thanks for creating a blog like this, it can enlighten some peoples dilemmas and questions bout life.