I’m coasting along my path in life, minding my own business (well not exactly) when a significant change comes into my world. Have you had this experience? One day you have one reality, and the next day it changes.
I have a close friend, the type where you hang out with and talk about everything and nothing in particular and I am comfortable to be me. She has a beautiful smile, cute sense of humor and is a great problem solver. We have shared children, boyfriends, other friends, and business and have formed a deep relationship built from all the layers of everyday life and being there for each other for the last 24 years. I trust and treasure our friendship.
About three weeks ago, we were relaxing outside her backyard, enjoying the sun and catching up with each other. We do a lot talking during the week, but face-to-face time is such a treat. My friend owned real estate and had mentioned in the past that if this one house in Las Vegas were available, they would think of moving from New York to Las Vegas. I took this as casual talk, talk that you never think will materialize. The move would only be for financial reasons as she is feeling the stress of maintaining several houses in this market. Money issues, whether up or down, can motivate us to change.
She casually mentioned the house was now available, and I responded with this is a good time for you to take care of yourself and reduce the financial stresses. We have both had health challenges, and I’m a believer that stress exacerbates and makes us physically vulnerable. I kept pursuing the conversation with her.
As the conversation evolved, we started to get into the details of what this move would look like for her. She has her software consulting business and how would this move affect her relationship with her clients. She is critical to the success of her clients, and she is intimate with all of their accounting software, which runs their business. As we started to problem solve all the challenges a move would entail, she began to own the reality of the move. As she unraveled all the entanglements of living in her current home, she saw she could make a move.
In the three weeks, she has rented her home in New York, started to sell her furniture, contacted movers, spoke to her clients, family, and friends about the move. The great gift of this move, besides financial relief, is she will be next to her daughter and she will come back to New York regularly to service her clients.
From July 5th until August 21st, she will break down a life long residency in New York and create a new life in Las Vegas.
I got home that night, sat down and started to absorb the impact of our conversation. I asked myself “what did you do?” I was so busy being in her world, helping her sort out what she needed to do to take care of herself that I didn’t sit with my feelings. It will be a change…she is no longer is an easy drive away. No more face-to-face long lunches and even longer hours together drinking coffee, then continuing our conversation over decaf tea because we had too much caffeine. We never ran out of words and enjoyed the luxury of having all the time in the world. Now our time together will be parceled out, as her time will be limited and many people to see while in New York.
I know we will see each other, but I also know that I can’t casually drive 40 minutes to hang out for the day with her. We will continue to talk, but the 3-hour difference will limit our time. We always joked that I didn’t call her before 9:00 am and she didn’t call me after 9:00 pm. No longer will she be close by and on the same time zone.
I do love this dear friend, and I’m willing to let her go because it’s the best solution for her. Letting go means, I’m ok with her decision. Yes, I’m sad that we will lose some of the easiness of being together. The life lesson I’ve learned is I don’t need to be fearful of this change because we still have more of life to share.
What changes have an impact on your life and what was the outcome for you? Did the initial uncomfortableness with the change turn into something useful or did you have to grieve around the change?
Women’s Group Topics
Change is an everyday action even if you are not aware of it. Our bodies are in constant motion and are never the same. It just takes us some time to recognize that it’s changing. What about other changes in your life? Talk about how change makes you comfortable/uncomfortable and how to encourage/block any changes that occur in your daily life.
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”