I’m sitting on the bus writing, my words barely legible from the jerky motion as the bus travels over the New York City roads.  I have an hour-long trip each way into the City (at least) and I do use this time to do many things.  I catch up with emails on my blackberry, read and even talk on the phone (which is somewhat rude when the bus is quiet and people are relaxing).  

Yet, this is a prime time to write.    I’m constantly saying I want time to write…here it is. 

Today is Valentine’s Day and immediately I thought of people I love.   How can I let them know they are important and special in my life?   Then I thought, “what about me?”  How do I show myself that I love “me” and I’m special in my life?

What flashed in my mind immediately is that I’m tolerating too much in my life.   How do I know that I’m tolerating “stuff?” I can tell by listening to my internal thoughts of frustrations or the complaints that I express to others.  

When you hear the word “change” what’s your first reaction?    I have two different reactions to the word.  First, I can feel my resistance quickly bubble up just thinking about change.  Second, though definitely a fainter voice, is excitement.   

No matter how hard we try to create security in our lives, we never reach that goal because life is not static.  Opposites occur in every life situation and that’s why we are reluctant to change.   We want to control the situation and have it neat and tidy.

I’ve been thinking lately how I make decisions and then feel locked into them because I said ‘yes.’  Yet, my insides squirm thinking I have to do something I don’t want to do.  Am I really locked into that decision?  Can I rightfully change my mind…of course I can.  The question is whether I do.

I find my friends, as well as myself, collect beliefs around how we should be living our lives and what others should be doing.   The culprit at the foundation of these beliefs is ‘should.”   “Should” locks us into viewpoints that influence the decisions we make or don’t make.    I want to challenge the belief that we can’t change our minds once we make a decision.

Don’t we all just love to let others know how we’ve been mistreated.   Listen to the conversations around you, as well as your participation, and you will hear many victim stories.

I noticed something about myself last night.  I was out to dinner and a friend was sharing how she was the victim in a situation.  I react strongly, though not necessarily wisely, when a woman plays the victim.  I wasn’t any different last night.   Ultimately I felt I had intruded on this person’s right to feel the way she does because of my own internal thoughts.

When I was younger, I had the illusion of endless moments of time. I felt I had a warehouse of days that would never decrease.   Today’s perspective is that I may still have a large room full of minutes, though I recognize that there is less than before.  I don’t know how long I will live, but living each day shortens my time by one day.  I recognize that time is my most precious and valuable asset.

NO NO NO NO NO NO

My son listened to me as I expressed how I had so much to do for my clients.  Quietly he asked “Mom do you have a hard time saying NO?”   I was a bit flippant and stated, “how can you tell honey!”   Yet, he was astute in his question and I gained wonderful feedback for free.

The holidays bring so much drama and hype into my life that when it’s over there is a real let down to my energy.  In some ways it’s good, because I’m finally relaxing after doing too much, sharing my life with lots more people, and of course, indulging in too much eating and drinking.    Yet, there is also a slight malaise because I miss the highs that come from celebrating.

Happy New Year!

I definitely had a grand old time eating my way through the holidays.   I ate whatever interest me and it wasn’t all about veggies and salads.

I’ve been eating healthy since June 19, 2009, following a high-fiber program adding fiber and protein in every meal.   I have a high-fiber snack as well as my three meals.   With this program, I’ve been successful with my choices and consequently have lost 20 lbs over a 6-month period.  Some may not feel that this is a great amount, but this program allows me to get right back into it after the holidays.

It’s hard to believe another year is closing.  Don’t you find that time seems to be moving by more quickly.

I do love to look back and see how the year evolved.   Did I do what I wanted, what did I miss and what surprises surface that I didn’t anticipate? This is the time I go back, start from Jan 1st, and review my date book.    It’s fun to step through the year.