Since I’m basically well, I know it has to do with one or all of the following:  What I’m eating, thinking and doing.  I’m generating a lot of effort and using up my natural energy, which is causing a build up of stress in my body.  We all know that there is a connection between what we eat, think and do and how our body processes it.

I could use the holiday season as an excuse because I’ve added more to my “to do” list.  Yet, the tiredness was there before the season came upon me.

Lately, I’ve been mumbling under my breathe, “I’m so tired.”  Do you do that too?

George D. Zgourides and Christie S. Zgourides wrote::  “…a pervasive feeling of a total shortage of energy.  If you are able to function at all, it is only due to an immense effort of the will.” (“Stop Feeling Tired! 10 Mind-Body Steps to Fight Fatigue and Feel Your Best”)

So how do I refuel my energy in a natural way?   First, watch carefully what I eat.    I find that my tiredness generates a desire to eat more with the hopes of fueling my energy.   In fact, the opposite occurs, now I have too much food in me and my body is busy digesting the food….I become more tired.   It is a vicious cycle and today I decided to stop being a hamster and going around in circles.

Today I listened to my tiredness.   I acknowledged I was tired. Yes, I had things to do, but I did it differently.  Instead of this massive push to get things done, I slowed down and just enjoyed what I was doing.   In this case, I was doing the wash.  Now we all know that we try to get over with this chore as quickly as possible.  I just kept slowing myself down.   I had to do the wash and rushing wasn’t going to get it done faster.  All the rushing did was accelerate my thoughts about how much I had to do today before going out.

Do your thoughts exhaust you?   I’m constantly thinking about what I have to do, how to do it and when I can do it.   I know I’m not alone in generating this pressure cooker of “to do” lists.  Intellectually we know there is no way we can do it all, yet I, and others that I have met, feel that they ‘should” do it all.

The first thing to do in eliminating tiredness is erase all reference to the word ‘should.’  That word saps so much energy from our body because we carry a large laundry list of what we should be doing in our heads.  Instead, replace ‘should’ with ‘want.’  As soon as you state to yourself “I want to do this,” your energy level changes.

Listen to yourself today.  Just sit with your tiredness and ask, “what do I need in order to feel better?”   If you have the time, rest.  If you don’t, then take the time to be present with what you are doing and stop the daily battle of your ‘to do’ list within yourself.

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

On Wednesday, I had my traditional Open House that opens at 1:00 pm and stays open until the last person gets tired and is ready to go home…which could be at midnight.   The evening is mostly filled with friends.   Some people see each other once a year at this party.    This year we closed the doors around 9:30 pm mainly because I served food earlier.   I’ve been doing an Open House for over 40 years and each year something new happens that makes the experience different or better.   This year the lasagna didn’t defrost in time so I put it in the oven earlier…that’s why we ate earlier.   It worked out perfectly as I was able to clean up after everyone left and the next day the house was tidy for Christmas Day.

Holidays are busy times for me and I yearn for leisure to indulge in deeper conversations with family and friends. What do I mean by deeper?   I want time to learn more about the people who are important in my life…what they want, how they are feeling, and listening to their stories.

Yet, the holidays are about partying and celebrating so conversations are generally light.  Even the quiet time that I had with my daughter and son, our conversations were casual.    I realize that I’m intense and am looking for more in my connections.   I judge the success of the holiday season by the types of conversations that I have with family and friends.    Though, this year it was different for me.

I realized that light conversations are just as important as more intense dialogues with family and friends.  I decided to be present with each person exactly as we were with no additional expectations.  At this time in my life, I’m honoring that what happens is just perfect.  I’ve decided I didn’t want to leave a holiday season dissatisfied because of unrealistic expectations.  Instead, I chose to cherish every moment with the important people in my life.

The gift I received this holiday season was to be in the company of great people, who I have journeyed with for many years.   I am grateful for each and everyone who is in my life today.    When I’m present with each person, the right conversation always occurs and I don’t have to create it.  Whether it’s light or intense, it’s all about sharing life together. 

 Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

I’m reading a book that resided on my bookshelf for a while – “A Pace of Grace:  The Virtues of a Sustainable Life” by Linda Kavelin Popov.   I like to wander over to my bookshelves to see what book talks to me.   I saw this book, but didn’t pick it up and instead starting reading another one.  I wasn’t satisfied with the book as this book kept calling me back, and now I know why.   The book covers many topics that make up a sustainable life, but the topic around ‘set clear boundaries’ strongly resonated with me.

What does it mean to have strong boundaries?   It’s setting standards around how others treat you physically or emotionally.  It’s setting boundaries around how I treat myself – physically and emotionally.

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t felt that others have mistreated them in someway.   Did we allow them to do this to us?    Sometimes we attach ourselves to another person where we don’t know where he or she ends off, and we begin.

I’m a recovering ‘pleaser.’  I felt it was more important to please the other person than to address my own needs.  You can be sure that my boundaries were weak, others took advantage of me, and I let them.   All under the heading of wanting to ‘be liked.’   It’s so seductive to be a pleaser and yet under my ‘pleaser’ guise was a frustrated and anger person who felt like a victim.

Over the years, I’ve relinquished this ‘pleaser’ role to a more manageable part of my life.   I still like to see others happy, and if I can do that for them, I’m happy.   No longer will I do this at the expense of taking care of myself first.  If I don’t want to do something now, I feel perfectly ok saying ‘no.’

This journey from weak to stronger boundaries has occurred over many years.  I had to make a conscious effort to become aware of my feelings…when I felt others were encroaching on my boundaries.  I had to decide it was important to my wellbeing to create boundaries for myself and for others.  I started to listen to how I felt around others and if I felt comfortable or not with them.   Here were some of my telltale signs:

• If I felt angry or frustrated with a person because they were asking me again to do something for them and I felt I had to say ‘yes.’   Just the fact that I really didn’t want to do it provided me with perfect opportunity to create an immediate boundary.
• I have given away many hours of my life listening to chronic complainers.  I’m happy to listen to a friend if they are sorting out their feelings, but I’m no longer willing to listen to them complain about the same thing over and over again.   I will distance myself by asking them ‘how can I help you” or stating ‘I’m sure you will figure out what is best for you.”   Then I remove myself from the situation.
• Being always available for others and tolerating their interruptions even when I needed to do something for myself.   I was on call for others but not on call for myself.   If I was working and someone called, I felt I had to answer the phone.   Now I have work time and phone time and don’t mingle the two.  It was a bit uncomfortable in the beginning, but I love it now and feel right about this decision.
• I was busy being the nice person and taking care of others.   This was my excuse for why I didn’t have time to do what was important to me.  I wasn’t taking responsibility for my life.    I still err on this one and am a caretaker.  I just smile now at myself, recognizing my need to feel special by taking care of others.    I’m seeking approval from others, when at all times I have in me all the approval I need to feel good about myself.

What boundaries do you need to create or make stronger?  Take the time to list times when you said ‘yes’ and wanted to say ‘no.’   Who are the people in your life that it’s difficult to say ‘no?’    Create your list and choose one action step that you can make to start creating boundaries for yourself.   Start small and start now.

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

Why does this book impress me?   The authors focus on the power we naturally have to create happiness with chapters like Practicing Happiness, Take Ownership of Your Happiness, Don’t Believe Everything You Think, Let Love Lead, Make Your Cells Happy, Plug Yourself In to Spirit, Live a Life Inspired by Purpose and Cultivate Nourishing Relationships.

The authors track the lives of 100 Happy People and what makes them happy.  Reading about other’s journey in life intrigues and teaches me.   I like people stories in the books I read.  In the book are people who have dealt with challenges, yet still chose to be happy.    The important word here is “chose”  and continue to choose to be happy.

How do you feel when you interact with someone who is happy?  I personally feel my energy levels increase and I’m enjoying myself.   Not everyone feels that way around happy people.  Some people find happy people annoying.

Yet, someone who is genuinely happy isn’t jumping all over the place, rather there is an internal balance and calmness within them that they express naturally.

I’m not happy all the time.   Yet I strive to choose happiness.  When I’m feeling funky, unhappy or moody, I just sit and listen to myself and know that the feeling will guide me to where I need to go to feel better.  Creating daily gratitude for all the good things that happen each day helps build my happiness muscles.

What I appreciated about this book is that the authors provide tools to help each person find their own level of happiness.    I believe that happiness is our birthright, yet our current beliefs have blocked our access to this goldmine.   Read the book and give yourself the power to choose your own happiness.

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

Several years ago, I challenged someone close to me that they weren’t listening to me.  I realized that I had let her do it over the years, but now I didn’t want it to be the same way anymore.  I was angry with her and it came through in my message.  Well…I didn’t get any response…instead a blank reaction.  It was good for me to speak up for myself, but by the time I did that, I was angry.  Anger never solves anything between two people…it only creates defensiveness.  Now I realize that my anger is there for me to recognize that I’m not taking care of myself.  It’s not about the other person…it’s all about how I can take care of myself.

What I realized today is that I do need to make a living.  Yet I don’t need to give up my precious time and energy worrying about work when I’m home?  Where did they say ‘worrying’ makes me a better person?   Nay, it just makes me anxious.  It’s all about how I want to live my life.  I want to smile more, laugh at another person’s silly jokes, listen with my heart and enjoy the simple pleasures in my life. 

Have we become a society that matches pleasure with expensive toys or vacations?  Do we need to own it to enjoy it? I know I feel it at times, wanting more…seeing something that I want, and believing that I would be happy if I own it.    I may be.   Yet, when was the last time I stopped long enough to enjoy what I have in my life right now.   

When you think of pleasure, what pops up in your head? 

Here are some of my simple pleasures:

• Writing this blog post
• Going to bed and snuggling under the covers…and I’m grateful I can do it every day.
• Spending time with my children…just talking and enjoying the moment together.
• Today is my niece’s birthday…she is a definite pleasure.  I will call her and enjoy her wonderful energy.
• Talking to a friend.  I’ve sometimes spent all day just sitting around with a friend, indulging in each other’s company.  I always feel so satisfied by this experience.
• Brushing my cats…they look up at me with such love.
• Taking a walk by the water
• Reading a great book
• …and my list goes on.

What about your list?  

How does this sound?  Open up your calendar, schedule some quiet time with yourself.   Indulge in your favorite drink and start writing out your list of 101 Simple Pleasures.   Post the list in several places to remind yourself to indulge in at least one simple pleasure a day.  

A simple pleasure a day keeps the doctor away.

Check out this posting 101 Dirt Cheap Ways to Enjoy Yourself.

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

So how do each of us support what is essential to living a loving and joyful life? I believe my essence is a composite of mind, body and spirit.  

I meditate and in that process I receive my own internal guidance.    During my years of sitting quietly with myself, either with my writing or meditating, I’ve received clarity around how to live a healthy life.   

The four basics aren’t new.  I’ve packaged them together because if we keep a plan in front of us, we are can take charge of our own wellbeing.  In this complex world, where there are tons of avenues to find information, we still continue to struggle with the wellbeing of our body, mind and spirit.  Simplicity allows us to trust we are moving in the right direction

Here are my guide points.   They work for me and I hope they offer you guidance in caring for yourself.

Eat Healthy

We all know that eating healthy is important to our daily wellbeing as well as potential longevity.  Yet, our internal guide is competing with our busy lives and all the advertising seeping into our minds each day.

My background is not in nutritional health, yet I believe it is safe to say that eating moderate portions of protein, carbohydrates and fats, loading up with vegetables and fruit is the basic healthy meal plan.  Yet for some fruit or other foods may be a problem.  If you listen to yourself, your body will tell you if the foods feel good when you digest it.  

This is a good time to team up with a professional and build a food plan that is appropriate for you.  The combination of listening to yourself and working with a knowledgeable professional will bring your body into balance

I’ve always felt that when my body feels good; I have more energy, more confidence and find that good and abundance comes my way.

Exercise

Today I was reading Dr. Joseph Mercola (www.mercola.com) and he was discussing how you could combat the flu season with one vitamin – Vitamin D.    One also gets Vitamin D from the sun.   

Daily exercise in today’s world needs to be a top priority in each of our lives.  Yes, we are all busy, yet we give little time to our body.   How grateful are you for having your body.  It takes you everywhere.    My body takes me to work, shopping and celebrations with others and a host of other experiences.    I can’t ignore it, or it will eventually start complaining.    That is how exercise helps me.

We don’t have to be marathoners, but we all need to be active in moving, stretching and honoring the body that gives us life.   Start small, take a 10-minute walk, but make it a priority to take a 10-minute walk, no matter what.

Meditate

When I say meditate to people, they think of the traditional form of meditation of sitting in silence either with a mantra or watching your breath.   I actually do this.  

Yet, I add other forms of meditation into my life.  There is no one way to meditate; rather it is time that you sit quietly with yourself or with your higher power.   People write, walk and pray in meditation.  

It’s all about building the spirit within you.

Take 5 minutes to sit quietly with yourself today.  When thoughts bombard you, just say, without judgment, “I’m thinking.”  Then quietly go back to your quiet time.  

If sitting doesn’t interest you, then take a 10-minute meditation walk where you are in touch with your spirit and honor who you are in this life.

Stay In The Present

Two simple words, yet one of the biggest challenges for most people…including me.  I know that I won’t do this one perfectly, yet I can benefit every time that I do it.

Staying present is being in the moment…not ruminating in the past or projecting your worries into the future.  It doesn’t mean that you can’t plan.   Plan for what you want, yet you can only do what you want in the present.

When I’m in the present, I feel the tension evaporate from my body.   I’m relieved that I don’t have to carry the past and future with me.  Rather in the moment I can feel joy to being alive…this very moment.    I could worry while writing that there is so much to do, or I can sit here and be with myself, sharing me with you. 

What does being in the present offer you?   Clarity, Fun, Intimacy, Self-Love and more

Keep It Simple

Create your own daily mantra:   eat healthy, exercise, meditate and stay in the present.   Start small in supporting these 4 basics and see how each day builds on the other and brings wellbeing into your life.

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

 ”You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay

I have to put myself on an emotional diet and weigh in with forgiveness as my tool.

There are two different types of forgiveness: forgiving others and forgiving ourselves. Both are important in order to develop and increase compassion and love within us.

As I write about forgiveness, up come two distinct feelings. First, I can’t forgive someone’s behavior because my thoughts say he/she will continue it. Second, I feel my body respond favorably to the word ‘forgive’…letting go and releasing the tension that I hold within me. If I can quickly create two different reactions, I’m assuming that I have a choice on what I want to feel. I believe that we are the creators of our thoughts, which influence our feelings and actions.

Forgiveness doesn’t change what the person has done, but rather changes our reaction to the situation. Forgiveness isn’t about turning the other cheek. We can forgive another without forgiving the act. The same holds for our behavior. We can forgive ourselves when we have made a mistake and still own up to our actions.

Forgiveness is a self-love tool. We allow ourselves to release the toxicity within us that hinders our ability to live a healthy and meaningful life. This is powerful stuff.

I just heard yesterday…not even sure where…but it made sense to me. When you have a problem, find a solution and let go of complaining. Forgiveness creates the space for you to find the right solution. Holding on to bitterness, anger, sadness only affects your wellbeing and adds negative stress to your life. Negative emotions indicate that we need to do something to create change. Our inner guidance is telling us that we need to understand our feelings and take action to heal and support our wellbeing.

I was watching Oprah the other day and she had on a man who lost his wife and son because of a shooting. He was shot and as he rested in the hospital bed, he made a decision to forgive this person. At that time, he didn’t know who did the shooting. He later found out that his older son had put out a contract killing on the family. This is definitely an extreme example of forgiveness, but if this man could forgive (because of his deep faith), then how much can each of us forgive on the smaller issues.

Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive? Do you need to forgive yourself?

If you want to release the tension and forgive others or yourself, and find that it is difficult, then find support. The most obvious support is traditional talking therapy. I’ve found Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to be a great tool to releasing the tension within me and finding space in my heart to forgive others and myself. You can do this technique anytime and it doesn’t cost you anything. Check out www.emofree.com and download their free 87 page ‘how to’ to learn the technique of EFT.

Research is proving the power of forgiveness on our health and wellbeing. I found this site: www.forgiving.org. Forgiveness provides clarity and balances the physical, emotional and spiritual parts of our lives. Our inner balance influences others around us.

Do your own research, find out just how powerful ‘forgiveness’ is for you, others, your community and for the world. Start forgiving today.

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(By Pat Brill)

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Emotional Freedom Technique on UTube

What’s Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)?  
EFT is based on acupuncture, without the needles.   A self-help technique that works on bringing relief to the intensity of our emotions, as well as increasing our physical wellbeing.    When using this technique you tap on different areas of your face and upper body.

It is based on a theory that negative emotions are caused by disturbances in the body’s energy field and that tapping on the meridians while thinking of a negative emotion alters the body’s energy field, restoring balance. (wikipedia.org)

Most people I know are carrying around a lot of stress in their bodies.  What causes stress…our thoughts.   You have probably heard about positive affirmations and letting go of the past as a way of releasing your negative thoughts.  Tell me, how do we manage this when we are entrenched in our emotional history. 

When I got back from my retreat in 2004, I purchased a book on EFT and set about learning how to do this relatively simple technique.   My interest lasted for around two months and slowly each day I just didn’t find time to do EFT and it moved into the back of my mind.   Occasionally, I would dust off the book and for a couple of days resurrect my interest and perform my EFT exercises, though would eventually put it back on the shelf.   By the way, it doesn’t take a long time to do…maybe 10 minutes.  

I love how life offers you want you need – a nudge in the right direction.   Anyway, in January of this year, I saw the EFT book on my shelf, thought about it, but it stayed there.   Shortly after, a friend came to dinner and we were busy talking about all the details in our lives.  She mentioned that she was at another friend’s home sharing a concern she had and the guest there told her about EFT.   This person also mentioned Carol Look (see her book below) and told her to check it out.  I quickly lent the book to my friend.

That night I was on the internet researching Carol Look and saw she was doing a presentation in two weeks at the Open Center in NYC.   My friend and I signed up and attended this 3-hour event.   What a powerful presentation.  She gave us a strong overview of EFT and its value, though she spent most of the time working with each of us, tapping away at our issues and releasing the emotional energy attached to them.   All of us tapped on everyone’s issue because all tapping supports us individually.

I left that session with Carol Look changed and have been doing my EFT practice most days and sometimes a few times each day.  Sometimes I tap in my head.  For example, if I missed my train and stress starts boiling over, I just tap in my mind on the stressful thought and release it.  My body responds because it knows how to tap now.

What have I gained from my experience with EFT?   After practicing since early February, I’m calmer, less reactive and more reflective.   It’s like physical exercise, when you do daily practice, you accumulate more and more physical benefits. 

Sometimes when I tap on an issue, I find immediate relief and the issue dissolves.  On a larger issue, I continue to tap each day finding the small thoughts that are attached to the issue and tap on those small thoughts.   I’ve tapped on money, health, people, struggling life, not getting what I want, etc. 

Each of us has our laundry lists of negative thoughts that we play out in our heads.   Tapping allows all of us to be present with our problematic thoughts and tap them away.

I hope you find the time to check out this great technique.  It’s easy to do and you can increase your wellbeing with EFT.

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(By Pat Brill)

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Resources:**Attracting Abundance with EFT*: *Emotional Freedom Techniques by Carol Look

**Freedom at Your Fingertips: Get Rapid Physical and Emotional Relief with the Breakthrough System of Tapping 

**TryItOnEverything.com – see this great Emotional Freedom Technique DVD.   Learn from famous teachers of EFT as they show you how to release the pain in your body, let go of past hurts and fears, and create a life that you always dreamed of.

I decided to create a laundry list of things to go:

• get rid of the clothes that were never right, or were right at one time, but no longer fit
• old videos – the machine was replaced with a DVD a long time ago
• books that I will never read again (this is the challenge for me)
• papers, papers, papers (like rabbits multiplying without me even being aware of it)
• old TVs, PCs and other assorted technology items that I will never use again
• old makeup, lotions, shampoos, samples that I may someday use, etc.

Right now I’m envisioning my home as organized and clean, surrounded with items I use or enjoy looking at.   It will take some time to cleanse my home, and I’m willing to do it in small steps.

Of course, I do tend to free associate, which brought me to my next logical direction…what about my mind.  The stuff that is in it…how much can be discarded.

I decided it’s time to look in my ‘guilt’ closet  to see what is outdated and just doesn’t fit any more.  We all have a ‘guilt’ closet where we automatically open the door and take out our favorite guilt thoughts.   It’s hard to let go of our guilt because we have invested a lot of time in believing in it.   Guilt is like a comfortable old pair of pants that we wear even if it doesn’t look that great.      

Whenever I say to someone that ‘guilt’ is a wasted emotion, someone chimes in quickly, “well you need guilt so you don’t hurt others.”   Yes, we do need an emotional mechanism in place that indicates to us when we have hurt someone, intentionally or unintentionally.   

Yes, we make mistakes and we can acknowledge what we did, make the best amends we know how, and let it go.   Guilt stays because we have a difficult time acknowledging our mistakes and honoring our humanness.

From my observation, most of the guilt I carry and my family and friends invest their time has nothing to do with hurting others.    It’s more about keeping us limited, small and living within our fears.     If you don’t believe me, start going through your ‘guilt’ closet and evaluate each guilty thought you own.

For example, I want to go to the museum, but my friend is not that excited about this thought.  In my repertoire of reactions, I quickly recognize two.   One if we don’t go to the museum, I will be disappointed or may feel that I’m always doing what my friend want.  Yet, if we do go to the museum, I would feel guilty because my friend doesn’t really want to do it.   Where was I hurting my friend that warranted me to feel guilty?    It’s really about fear…that she would be upset with me.

What about in the case of raising children…there are lots of opportunities here to feel guilty.   I was invested in being the best mother, even if I didn’t know exactly what a best mother looked like.  Anyone who has parent a child has a bunch of stories that can be showcased in a moment’s notice that proves we weren’t perfect….in comes guilt.  Yet, what about the stories of listening and caring for our love ones…do we open the closet to take them out?

If we all sat down and shared our images of a great parent we will see that it is different for each family, community, and country.   So what is real about our guilt? 

My belief is that we primarily use ‘guilt’ to camouflage our fears.  If we feel guilty about doing something that is important to us, we are only guilty of having fear.  Guilt gives us a false sense of goodness.

How To Clean a ‘Guilt’ Closet

Since I’ve decided to work on my ‘guilt’ closet, I’m going to use some organizational tricks.   Create 3 boxes:  Keep, Throw Out, and Not Sure.    Actually in the physical environment there is a 4th box ‘Donate.’  I don’t think anyone wants my donation, so I left that box out of this cleaning effort.

I planned to write down every time I feel guilty about something.   Evaluate the feeling and decide which box it belongs in    The ‘Keep’ box is where I will handle mistakes, make amends and then let it go.    “Throw Out” box is for those guilty thoughts that I recognize are just not real and only there to block out the joy in my life. The ‘Not Sure’ box I will put in those ‘guilty’ thoughts that I’m not sure about.  After I put it in this box, I will make a date (within the next 30 days) to go back to the items in that box and decide if it is a mistake or can I throw it out.    Keep returning to your ‘Not Sure’ box and slowly clean it out. 

Happy ‘guilt’ closet cleaning.

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(By Pat Brill)

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