I felt betrayed, unloved and alone.  I didn’t want to go to other friends to discuss the issue because we share mutual friends.   Instead I made a decision to distance myself from the project with her.   I was there but didn’t participate with my heart and creativity and instead outsourced my part of the project.  I was looking to create safety for myself and bypass this inner conflict.

Since I didn’t know where to go with my feelings, I did what I’m good out…put them aside and tried not to deal with them.  Though untouched feelings always surface back up and come out like a roaring lion in the form of anger.  I eventually lashed out with my hurt feelings at a time when it wasn’t appropriate for me or her.  

The situation with my friend had me questioning my belief around friendships and the role I expect them to play in my life.   Do I see the beauty as well as the humanness of this special relationship? 

I believed that friends create safe harbors and a place to go when I’m facing the issues that surface in my life.   They help make my life sweet, funny and most important provide nurturing love.  Within the friendship, I can express my own loving feelings toward them.  To me my friends are all-loving and unconditional in a world that sets so many standards and conditions to acceptance. 

I’m not naïve to think they love everything I do, yet I expect a good friend to somehow step over my imperfections and mirror back to me love and acceptance.  So when they don’t step over and instead mirror back non-acceptance, it hurts.  

The adult in me thinks that it’s no big deal and friends are human like me.  Yet the little girl in me wants the total acceptance and is outraged a friend would be so insensitive.  I smile because I believe this is the same inner battle all of us go through when dealing with love ones.  

We expect love ones to be perfect in their love for us and perfection is defined by us.

What did I ultimately do in this situation?  I distanced myself from the project, played out the many running thoughts I had around my hurt feelings, and of course, pretended I was dealing with the situation as an adult.  Ha!  That entire pretense ultimately set the tone for an angry outburst towards my friend.   Unresolved feelings of betrayal and abandonment were lurking ready to pounce at a moment’s notice.  Anger can spur a conversation, which is what I needed to do.  Yet, it doesn’t help me feel good about myself. 

After we discussed my feelings, she felt bad and I still felt unloved and justified for my anger.  During the night I processed the situation and realized that I needed to apologize for the way I handled it.    Why the apology if I was hurt by a friend?

The lesson is that we are all responsible for our reactions to any situation in life.   I chose to be hurt by her actions and because of my reactions made other choices which were not her responsibility.  

There is no one way to act in life as we have an abundance of choices. We can decide to step back and look at our reactions and see if they serve us.  We can take care of ourselves and set boundaries around how others are allowed to treat us, but a dear friend is just that…a dear friend.    I can say my peace, ask for what I need and then get on with the business of enjoying our friendship.

My friend is too important to me to allow hurt feelings to create a division between us.  I somehow survived the fallout of disappointment of a less than perfect interaction with a friend.   The richness of the situation is that I learned more about my vulnerabilities and in spite of them; I am still safe, warm and loved by my friend.

Pat

“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

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*************************All About “FRIENDSHIPS“*******************************

What Is Struggle
The definition on Dictionary.com is to: contend with an adversary or opposing force; to contend resolutely with a task, problem, etc.; strive: to struggle for existence.

Areas Where We Struggle
There are several broad areas where most of us bump into struggle:   relationships, weight, finances, and work. 

For me, I have two biggies in the struggle category…finances and weight.   I know how to do work because my tendency is to be a workaholic.  On the relationship front, I do have great people in my life who provide love and support, and I’ve grown enough to enjoy their presence in my life.

I’ve been asking myself lately “who would I be without the struggle?”   Since struggle and survival have been common themes in my life, I’ve been repeating the above question over and over in my mind.   Realizing that I could be different if I let go of the need to struggle, provides me with more space to allow other possibilities to reside in my life.

What If We Cause Our Own Struggles?
Struggling can be insidious… we are so use to it we don’t know any other way and it just seems to happen.   Do you ever ask yourself, “Why do I keep struggling with this person, this job, my finances?” 

There are many different self-defeating beliefs that seem to support our struggling:

• If you love me, you will know what I need
• The more I struggle, I’m a better person
• I’m not able to have financial success
• I need to take care of everyone else
• I’m not good enough
• Life is hard
• Money goes out faster than comes in

A common belief is that when what we are doing takes effort and is hard than it’s struggling.  Not necessarily.   Hard work can be towards a specific goal and we are giving all of our focus to completion.   When we complete the goal there is satisfaction.  Whereas with struggle, we don’t necessarily complete what we are doing, but rather deal with the situation as best as possible.

What Are You Saying To Yourself?
Pay attention to how you speak to yourself.   When you look in the mirror, what do you say?  When you pay the bills, what do you think?   When you are dealing with another person, what judgments do you carry with you against them?    Our thoughts create our realities.  Do you own research and see that science is also supporting this belief.

When we change our thoughts, we change our realities….

Where Are You?
What areas do you tend to struggle?   Did you think immediately “all my life is a struggle?”   Why not create a detail list of areas where you feel you are struggling.   Is it a chronic struggle or a temporary part of a project you are working on?  Then ask yourself “Who would I be without the struggle?”  

Comments
Stop by and share with others your experiences around struggling.

Thanks for stopping by.

Pat

“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

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The Happiness Trap:  How to Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harris

Lisa Garr hosts a radio show called The Aware Show where she brings speakers from self-growth, spirituality or health areas and interviews them.   She is currently hosting a teleseminar series and as part of this series she had on Jennifer McLean.   Jennifer is an author, healer and entrepreneur. 

The hour long bus ride went quickly as Jennifer spoke about energy.  There was one exercise that excited and helped me immensely.  I learned about a tool to help me let go of my stories.   What do I mean by stories?  We all have stories that we tell others that reflect who we believe we are.  Most of them are based on struggles, hardships and all are past experiences.    The reason these stories are so powerful is because we reinforce every time we tell them that life is difficult or someone betrayed us.

It’s not that I haven’t heard before how our past stories influence our well-being today.   I have many times, but for some reason the exercise that Jennifer had us all do had a significant impact on me.  I’ve been aware that I am more than my childhood or a bad relationship, yet I was not doing anything with the awareness except hold it in my head.   During the exercise I was able to distance myself and in my gut I felt a big release of tension because I didn’t have to carry around my stories anymore.  So what was the exercise?

Jennifer did an exercise of writing down all of our stories.   What stories do we tell others that describe to them who we are?  We all have childhood stories and most of them are usually supporting dysfunctional relationships with our parents or adults in our lives.   What about work stories…who does what to whom.  Relationship stories on how someone mistreated or betrayed us.  Financial struggles.  We know those stories because in our head we think “why me?” 

Why Do We Tell Our Stories?

It got me thinking…why do we tell our stories over and over?  What are we seeking when we tell the stories?  Do humans connect better around our troubled stories than our happy stories?  Are we afraid to be happy as it may go away?  I spoke with someone and she thought we tell our stories because there is a void when we connect with others and we use our stories to connect.    For me, I believe it is about belonging to a tribe, connecting with others, sympathy, empathy, and recognition. 

Benefits of Letting Go Of My Stories

Jennifer gave us a few minutes to write down all of the stories that each of us carry around.  When I looked at what I wrote on the paper, I felt compassion for the Pat who had to deal with all those experiences.  I also felt relieved, lighter, could breathe easier and I felt a smile in my body.    My stories were on the paper and not in the baggage I was carrying around with me.

It’s part of healing and we all need to heal the old wounds that thread through our lives.   The hurts leave small and large reactions on the trails of our journey in life and many times this stuff blocks our ability to move forward.   By writing down the stories I saw them for what they really were in my life…stories.  Stories are not real, just descriptions of what happened or anticipations of what will happen.  They no longer exist except in my mind.  

This simple exercise of writing down my stories left room for me to feel empathy and compassion for myself that I had to deal with difficult situations in my life, but I also felt free to let them go and not be attached to my stories.  This freedom created space for me to see the good stuff that often happens in my life.   Like listening to this radio show.

Thanks Lisa and Jennifer — what a wonderful way to commute home.

Pat

“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

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More About Energy Healing

Kindness is a great attribute to own and some people naturally express good will to others.   Most of us are busy with our lives and kindness never seems to be a top priority.   It’s not that we are mean, rather our busyness takes over and we don’t consciously think about showing kindness to another person.  We just have too much to do.  What if there were benefits to this “kindness” thing.

Did you show kindness to another person today? 
Did someone show kindness to you today?
How did you feel?

I’m advocating not only kindness but also going a step further and celebrating others, especially the people who are close to us on a daily basis.   Our family, friends and co-workers are integral parts of our lives.  Show your appreciation to each of them by being kind and celebrating important events.

Why do we need to show kindness and celebrate others?   There are mutual benefits gained by showering good thoughts or actions on others.   If you do your own research, you will see what is gained by all…including you.

Benefits of Kindness

**Kindness helps everyone – you, the person receiving your good will and anyone who observes it.   All benefit from any act of kindness.

**No matter how large or small the act of kindness or words of celebration, the body reacts with endorphins that reduce stress and adds peace into our daily lives.   Stress is everywhere, held tightly in our bodies and we can release that stress by performing acts of kindness each day.

**We seek happiness and peace in our lives and we have a powerful ally in reaching that goal when we add kindness to the top of our priorities.

**Kindness is free and yet the gift is priceless for everyone.

**We can reduce anxiety, depression and other stress related issues when we reach out to another person and show them simple kindness.   The body responds automatically and a calm feeling replaces the negativity we were feeling.

**We increase our own level of self-worth when we recognize others and reach out to them.  Remember this can be as simple as a smile.

How to Support Others

**Smile more often at others.  I’ve done this and most people naturally smile back.  You see the twinkle in their eyes.  For a brief moment, there is connection in our busy worlds.  This is a great gift of kindness to others.  When we smile, we are releasing tension within us.

**Give compliments on a daily basis – at least 3 honest compliments to others.   It will feel stilted in the beginning but you will flow with the intention and see how others respond.  When we see the good in others, we can actually start to acknowledge the good in ourselves.   We project a more positive view of life.

**Volunteer – if time permits and you always wanted to help others in a particular way, find a suitable place to volunteer and follow your interests.  People who volunteer are happier.

What About You?

Have you recognized already the benefits of kindness?   If so, how does it show up in your life?   If you are just starting to increase your “kindness muscles,” why not try the following action step.

Action Step:  Listen to your body – what is it telling you right now.   Do you need to give away a dose of kindness in order to reduce the stress levels in your body?   Why not try an experiment, for the next 30 days, each day give away at least 3 acts of kindness and then see what happens to you.

Keep smiling….

Pat

“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

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Read more about Adding Kindness Into Your Life

For me, recognizing how I say “no” in my life, opened the door for more “yes” to enter.   I’m not a major complainer, but definitely have my share of anxieties or false beliefs regarding who I am and what other people think of me.   I don’t want to accumulate any more “no’s” in my life.   I want to say “yes” to life.

What are some of the ways we diminish our lives with our emotional clutter:
**We block what we really want in our lives
**We have a low self-image because we are filled with this emotional garbage
**We carry around a lot of stress and our bodies respond by breaking down under the weight of the clutter
**We miss out on important relationships
**React instead of respond to life’s challenges.  Reacting leaves us powerless, whereas stopping long enough to think how you want to respond provides you with more advantage in your life
**We are unhappy, depressed and don’t know where to turn

Life is in constant change yet as we journey we start to collect and hold on to people, places, things, and are reluctant to release this stuff.   Under the guise of security, we hold on to our things, thoughts and emotions.  We attach who we are by this stuff.     

What can we do?
The delight in life comes when we let go of the physical and emotional stuff we carry around with us.   Try these three simple steps to help you de-clutter your emotions. 

**Make a list of all of your complaints, fears, anxieties, beliefs that hold you back, and pet peeves around other people’s behaviors.  This helps you increase an awareness of what you are holding onto in your head and heart.  You release the burden in your head when you park the extra baggage on a piece of paper or a computer screen.  

**Review your list and decide what small steps you will take today to clear up the emotional clutter on your list.   Keep it small and manageable.  For example, maybe you put down complaining as junk in your emotional closet.   You can make a decision to stop yourself from complaining once during the day for the next 7 days.    You built the accumulation of emotional over time, so you can slowly de-clutter your life.

**At the end of the day, create a ritual that closes your day where you wash away the tensions of the day.   For some it could be a warm bath, read spiritual books, or have a cup of tea.  Set up a ritual that tells your brain it’s time to let go of the extra bits of emotional clutter you have accumulated during the day.  Visualize yourself brushing away the emotional clutter.

Other Thoughts
**Your emotions are telling you what needs to change.    If you see them as a reflection of where you are at and what to work on, you can be the observer and decide to change your thoughts, behaviors, beliefs.   Use your emotions as guideposts in creating breathing space in your life.

**Emotional de-cluttering provides us with more power in our lives.

**When we start to take ownership of our lives, it can get a bit overwhelming.   You don’t need to travel down this road alone.   Get an “emotional buddy” who wants to de-clutter their lives.  If you need professional guidance, don’t hesitate to take care of yourself.   The goal is to let go of the emotional baggage you carry and other resources can be invaluable to your growth.

What About You?
**Do you feel that you need to start de-cluttering the unnecessary emotions fueled by useless beliefs?   
**Where in your life do you hold the most emotional clutter? 
**Have you found a way to release yourself from the bondage of wasted emotions?  Would love to hear how you did it.

Pat

“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

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**********ALL ABOUT LETTING GO OF CLUTTER**********

Four possible areas where clutter accumulates: 

Physical – our homes, cars and bodies
Emotional – our thoughts, feelings and reactions (actions)
Financial – our spending habits
Spiritual – our never-ending desire for connection and purpose

Today I want to talk about the physical clutter that surrounds us each day.  All clutter is interconnected and affects all areas of our lives.  In order to handle clutter, we need to separate one form of clutter from another.  When you separate physical from the emotional, any changes you make in the physical world will influence your emotional makeup.

Using the 80/20 rule:  80% of what we use comes from 20% of our things.   Think about the other 80% of stuff that we hold on to just in case.   Just in case rarely comes.  It’s important that you be honest with yourself that you are holding on to useless stuff.  This honesty will free you up to be more open to receiving what actually gives you satisfaction and joy. 

I’ve reread “Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui” by Karen Kingston.  If you come into my home, your first impression of my home doesn’t elicit a sense of clutter.   I do love my books, so there is a large collection of them.  Sometimes I’m a bit co-dependent on them for my entertainment.   A couple of weeks ago I donated around 100 books and will need to go through another scrutiny test.

Anyway, as I was reading Karen Kingston’s book, I started to go behind the scenes in my home….closets and storage areas of my home…and looked at what I was keeping.    In my extra bedroom, hanging out for over a year, were clothes that others could enjoy.  I was too busy to call for a pick up or put into the car to the donation center.  They are gone…I donated 8 bags of them yesterday.

Another area that I noticed was my collection of costume jewelry.  Lurking on the shelf is a pile of jewelry with minor parts to fix…off to the jeweler I go this coming week.   In my collection of costume jewelry, were pieces that I would never ever in a 100 years wear again so I gave them away to someone who gleefully treated it as new “stuff.”

I then found out that I had 6 watches, all not working, and I don’t wear a watch.  I will keep a gold and silver selection, fix them, and let the others find their resting place.   I discovered silver jewelry that was tarnished and I cleaned them up and started to use them.   It was like buying something new.  

I wasn’t a one-night wonder.  The following night, I came home tired, but tackled my shoes. I was amazed how many shoes didn’t fit right and never fit right.   Tells me I need to be smarter about my purchases.   I now have a clear shoe rack…in less than 30 minutes. 

I share my de-cluttering stories because most people can relate to the staleness of stuff that sits in the same place year after year.

I believe that clutter accumulates on the body as well – obviously with extra weight.  I see a connection when my body mimics my physical environment and the opposite is true.  It’s all interconnected. 

A year ago, I started to follow a dietitian’s food plan and lost 20 lbs, which I’ve been successful in maintaining.  I still have more pounds to lose and yet I feel good with this new weight.  De-cluttering is also about the foods we put into our bodies.  I cleaned the cupboards of foods that added no nutritional value to my body.    Yes, I indulge, and am encouraged to do so, but I leave that for a treat when I’m out to dinner once a week.

One must be aware in the de-cluttering of our physical space our thoughts and feelings will surface and could potentially sabotage our desire to clear up our space.   Lately I realized that just showing up each day, do a little, will have an immeasurable impact on my life.   I just trust that if I step up into action and enjoy what I’m doing, that at the end I will be a different person.   Trust is important in moving forward in one’s life.

Another area that I have to work on is seeing what isn’t done yet vs. what has been done.  Do you share the same thought patterns?  When we let go of our attachment for perfection we can enjoy the process of clearing better.  

I ask myself two things when I look at something:  Am I using it and so it provides a functional value, or do I love it and enjoy the beauty of it.   Just start small and be grateful when you tackle manageable areas.  Leave the big projects to when you have success with the small areas.  For me a big project will be paper in file cabinets, hanging out in my office area as well as stored within closets.   I will get to it and first I start in manageable areas.

Change is important and we need to let go of stuff in order to move forward towards what we want in our lives.   I feel more confident after tackling the small areas sorting through, tossing, donating and clearing a space at a time in my home.

A big life lesson for me is if I want to bring more joy and happiness into my life, the clutter must go. The more things I let go of, the freer I feel.   

The things I own need to be supporting me and not the other way around.

What About You?
Are you a minimalist or a clutter person?    When you think of “your stuff”, does it bring you pleasure or do you feel overwhelmed?

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)  

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I do believe that we are all visionaries, though we can easily get overwhelmed by the details that support our dreams.  The e-book is all about helping a person find a way to move their dream into a reality.

It got me thinking how challenging it is for all of us to stretch ourselves and follow through on our dreams or desires.    It takes effort and most of us like our comforts.  I’m right in there when it comes to comforts.   Yet, I’m looking for more in my life.   Comfort is tempting and my goals call me and both of them do battle for my attention.

For me, writing in my free time for this e-book, when I would prefer to read a great novel, takes discipline on my part.  Yet I have a vision in front of me what I want to offer to other women…something that was wonderful for my growth over the last 13 years. 

Each day I have to choose between my comfort and stretching myself. Being willing to go the extra mile for what I believe in, even if I’m not sure it will be successful.  The success will be in my ability to chip away, day-by-day, creating the final product in small chunks of time, and holding on to my dream – this e-book for women.

We all know when we would like to “play big” but instead choose to go the easy route and “play small.”   I saw this quote many years ago and it echoes in my mind when I am tempted to play small….and let me tell you that I face this quote a lot during my days. 

“I want to be all used up when I die”
George Bernard Shaw

I have compassion for myself when I “play small” and choose to let my dream slide by for the day.  Then I think of the quote above and ask myself what I want to look like when I’m ready to die. I want to be fully spent, feel very old and well used, and die with a smile on my face.  

It’s not a morbid thought to be fully spent when I die; rather a realization that today is the most important part of my life.  I want to be aware of the challenges and gifts that are offered to me, enjoy the people who journey with me and give it my best during the day. 

Yesterday is gone and our tomorrows are being formed by the choices we make today.   It’s absurd to have a goal to be fully used up when I die, but that is only half of the goal.   The other half is to live life fully which brings a smile to my face as I realize that I get to “play big” today if I so choose.

What About You?
Is there a dream, an idea or desire that you would love to pursue?   Just for today, can you start small and do something to move you forward towards what you want?  

When have you chosen to “play big” in your life?  Felt the fear and did it anyway.

**********CREATIVE VISUALIZATIONS**********

Pat

“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

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There are so many areas where struggling seems to permeate:   finances, health, weight, relationships, education, parenting, and juggling all of the many different compartments of our lives.

What made me think of this topic was that I struggle with follow through in some areas of my life.  I relatively organized so don’t really struggle there and with my relationships at this age I’m quite relaxed, yet speak to me about weight or finances and then we are in a different arena.  

Today, in my Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) session, I tapped on the various areas that I struggle with following through.  I put the word “tired” down and this served up a big emotional response….I was tired of struggling in these areas of my life. 

The absurdity of struggling is that once you learn how to struggle, it’s difficult to let it go.   How silly is that.

When we are struggling we are reacting to the situation and feel that there are no solutions.   Reacting creates drama and consequently we feel overwhelmed by the whole process of finding a solution.   There are always solutions to every problem but first we need to let go of the need to struggle.

As I was tapping I started to relax more and let go of the tension around the struggles.  Part of the struggle is trying to get or do something different and because of those thoughts, my body tenses up and my mind become blocked.

If I let go and trust that I will find a solution, I release a lot of energy.  I may need to cry a few tears in the process but the release alone is powerful.   

Byron Katie, “Loving What Is” believes that suffering is optional.   If you follow  The Work, as she calls it, part of her process is to ask “Is it true?” to all of our beliefs under our struggles.

What do we need to do?  
Question those areas where we struggle.    Start to look under the tabletop of “struggling” and see what legs hold up our need to struggle.     For example, if financial struggles plague you and no matter what you do it never goes away, then what are your thoughts supporting your belief that you must struggle with your finances.

What About You?
I touched ever so lightly on the topic of struggling.   What are your thoughts?   Have you done something different that helped you give up the need to struggle?  Do you believe we can change our struggles and live a joyful life?

Share your thoughts as it helps others.

Pat

“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

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I’m a self-growth junkie and consequently read numerous books on improving my self-esteem, self-love and whatever else you want to call it.  Yet today, though I definitely respect myself more, I still work on this “self-love” theme.    Maybe it’s really the essential act of our lives…learning to love ourselves in a world that doesn’t support self-love.

Rather the world looks for fault and we are constantly comparing ourselves to others.   A friend said, “What I say to myself, I would never tell another person.”   She was implying that she criticizes herself horribly and would never give another person the level of abuse she surrounds herself with on a daily basis.   I can relate to that.   I’m on a chronic “self-judging treadmill,” and I’m learning to release myself from this daily abuse. Maybe I could start a 12-step program “Judging Anonymous.”

I create imaginary stories about what other people think of me, did I displease them, how can I be myself with others, I need to lose weight, didn’t handle that project right, and the list goes on endlessly of the insecurity that resides within my mind.   I am not alone on this rough terrain.

As I get older, one of the life lessons I have gathered is that most people don’t really pay much attention to us, because they are also busy within their heads doing a similar dance of self-judgment.  So why do we give others so much power in our lives?

The skill of “self-love” and it is a skill, is there for us if we desire to learn how to support ourselves.  When we learn a new subject or how to use a new technology project, we develop a skill from desire to learn and experience in following the instructions.  What would the process of learning this skill look like?  Maybe we could create a contract with ourselves that state:

• I will become aware of what I say to myself.  Write down all of those thoughts that are contrary to being compassionate with ourselves.  As soon as you recognize the negative thought….say “I won’t accept this abuse.”   
• I will accept that the past is over and I’m in charge of the present.
• I will not accept verbal abuse from anyone…ever.
• I will say one respectful statement about myself every day.    Louise Hay proposes “mirror work” where every time you are in front of a mirror you “I love you” and put in your name.  

We have so many automatic thoughts that it’s impossible to capture all of them, yet awareness allows us to gather the twigs of this large negative “self-judgment” tree and burn them.  The twigs are all the negative thoughts cluttering up our minds so that we have little room to live a fuller life and enjoy it.   Similar to de-cluttering a house, one drawer at a time, we toss aside all those useless thoughts that add absolutely no value to our lives.   Have fun with this…look for those twigs.

What About You?

What do you think?    Today, can you smile more and release yourself from the loop of “self-judgment?”  What ways do you love yourself?   In what areas do you still abuse yourself with self-talk?  Is abuse whether from yourself or others ever acceptable?

Pat

“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”

(Pat Brill)

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How do you deal with an owner or a difficult manager who is unreasonable, demanding and driven and expects you to be an entrepreneur when you want to be an employee and have a life of your own outside of the business?  I know this last sentence quickly sums up the feelings most employees have when working in this type of environment.   Now, not all owners create unreasonable expectations, but if you are in one, you understand unreasonable.

Entrepreneurs have the vision, drive and passion to build and sustain a business.  They know how to go the long haul to meet their plans.    Because of their deep passion, some entrepreneurs can be erratic in their reactions to employees. 

It’s difficult to balance the demands of an owner and the equal desire to do other things besides work.  How do you find work/life balance in this situation?    It all depends on what your goals are in working.

If you want to learn from the master than you are willing to put up with the stress and gather all the knowledge so you can to move forward in your career.     However, if you are looking to contribute, do you best and then go home and live another part of your life, this is not the ideal situation for you.  

I find that most employees in this type of environment try to keep themselves out of the line of fire when working with an emotional business owner.   As they find out, this is a difficult to do.   So what are your options?

There are always options in any situation, even though fear can block your thinking.    If you are in the situation where you feel stressed from your working environment, why not take the time to think about what you want.    Taking time to create what you want in your life is the most important life lesson one can learn in life.   

Most people respond with what they don’t like, which is a start, but not enough to help you move your life forward.   Go the next step….if you don’t like something, and then asked what do you want?   Don’t allow yourself to say “I don’t know.”  Instead, ask if I could create any work situation I want, what would it look like?  Write down every thought that comes into your mind…no editing allowed.  

Give yourself free reign to discover what is important to you.   No “buts” allowed, because “buts” block creative energy.  If you say “but,” stop yourself immediately and say for now no “buts” are allowed.

Find time to stop reacting to the boss…instead find time to carve out what works for you.   Maybe you can’t leave the job right away; rather you need to create a plan that supports you financially.  Do it!  Update your resume and start looking for the new job.

Another option is to speak with the owner, letting them know that you feel under so much stress working with them because they yell and scream at you and that you want to find another way to work together.   You have to know your entrepreneur…will they react more and then just fire you.  Possibly.    Though they may also be respectful of your needs.

From my experience, people ultimately make decisions, though not necessarily the best ones or decisions that come from a place of self-confidence.  Rather we ultimately leave because we can’t stand it anymore.  We take with us an array of emotions:   anger, frustration, feeling used, and blame the other person.  It’s your choice to hold on to these negative thoughts, though if you had a healthier vision, what would it look like to you? 

Life Lesson
Be the entrepreneur of your own life.    Remember you always have a choice…be brave and make the right decisions for you…not for anyone else. 

What About You?
Do you work for an unreasonable boss?   If so, what expectations do you believe are just too much for what you were hired to do?   Do you like working for entrepreneurs?   If you are not happy where you are, what are you doing to create change in your life.

Pat

“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

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Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job by  Lynn Taylor