Can We Change Our Minds?

I’ve been thinking lately how I make decisions and then feel locked into them because I said ‘yes.’  Yet, my insides squirm thinking I have to do something I don’t want to do.  Am I really locked into that decision?  Can I rightfully change my mind…of course I can.  The question is whether I do.

I find my friends, as well as myself, collect beliefs around how we should be living our lives and what others should be doing.   The culprit at the foundation of these beliefs is ‘should.”   “Should” locks us into viewpoints that influence the decisions we make or don’t make.    I want to challenge the belief that we can’t change our minds once we make a decision.

How about we all go on a “should” strike and stand up for our rights to change our minds and do something different.

What’s behind our belief that we can’t change our minds: does it mean we are spineless, can’t make decisions or not being responsible?  I believe we have the same problem changing our minds when it includes others and when it only affects us.  What happens when we make a decision and realize that it wasn’t the best choice for us?  Can we make a correction?  

Different passages of our lives call for different decisions.  Yet, I bet, like the various sizes of clothes in our closets, we hold on to old beliefs that really don’t fit anymore in the scheme of our happiness.

So what can we do?  Start cleaning out our “belief” closet.    Change our minds about what is really going to create happiness for each of us.  

Let’s start counting…how many actions each day do we do based on ‘should?’

I know when I challenge the word ‘should’ many people believe that individuals ‘should’ have a basic code of beliefs and values.   Well values are changeable given the course of our lives:

• When I was young, I valued love and my education, 
• when I was a mother, I valued the time I placed on raising my children, 
• when the children got older, I valued my career, 
• when I got older, I started to value my time.

There are principles, such as “to thine own self be true” that can help foster our well-being. “Treat others with respect” is allowing others to be true to themselves, and not true to us.  Principles are not “shoulds,” rather they are guides in listening to ourselves and doing the right thing for us.

If we follow another person’s dream or belief, we miss out in traveling within our own lives.   In our search for approval from others we allow false ‘shoulds’ to enter our lives and then we lose out in expressing our own creativity and adding to the world our uniqueness.   Each decision we make moves us forward or keeps us static within our comfort zones.  

“Should is another word for “Powerless.”

You can change your mind.   IF:

• the course of your life is not working for you,
• you’ve committed to an action that doesn’t feel right
• you are behaving in ways that don’t support your happiness
• you have a friend who doesn’t support you as a person
• …and more

Life Lesson

Change can be a bit scary, yet when we listen to ourselves, we hear what needs to be done and can change our minds.  Today I changed my mind about a food choice I’ve been making for the last umpteen years.   Even though I like it, I knew it wasn’t good for me, so I changed my mind and made a different decision…not to eat it anymore.  It’s a small change, but one that I can handle today.  Maybe later today or tomorrow, I may change my mind about something else.

What About You?

Do you change your mind often?   If so, what motivates you to change your mind?  Is it fine-tuning your choice or are you fearful and keeping changing your mind? If you are the type that when you make a decision, no matter what, you stand by it, why is that important to you.

Where are you with the word “SHOULD?”

Pat

“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

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The Power of Half:  One Family’s Decision to Stop Taking and Start Giving Back by Kevin Salwen and Hannah Selwen

Tags: must do, overly responsible, too much to do

3 Responses to “Can We Change Our Minds?”

1. canadiandesi Says:
   February 15th, 2010 at 6:53 pm

   Well written… your posts leave me with alot to think about…

2. Pat Says:
   February 16th, 2010 at 12:14 am

   Canadiandesi
   Thanks for your kinds words.
   Pat

3. Diane Says:
   February 20th, 2010 at 12:32 pm

   I have really enjoyed your posts. In respect to “changing our minds” the obvious answer is yes. I do find that at the pace we all seem to be living our lives lately, that we make snap decisions that are acted upon and there is no time to change our minds. I believe if we had the time to make constructive decisions then there would be no need to “change our minds.” It would be nice if someday we could all slow down a bit!

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