Hard Time Saying ‘No”

NO NO NO NO NO NO

My son listened to me as I expressed how I had so much to do for my clients.  Quietly he asked “Mom do you have a hard time saying NO?”   I was a bit flippant and stated, “how can you tell honey!”   Yet, he was astute in his question and I gained wonderful feedback for free.

I do have a hard time saying “no” to my clients, though I tend to say “no” to fun events.  What’s this all about?  Obviously I got a heavy dose of the work ethic, which serves me well most of the time.  I built a strong business in over a year providing a range of services for my clients.  That makes me happy.   Yet, other people’s concerns can take over all of my waking hours.  Where does that leave me…depleted.

I also have a hard time saying ‘no’ to a family member or friend who wants to talk.   Since I value relationships and feel they fuel my own well-being, I’m ok with this one.

At this wonderful age, asking the right questions leads to better understanding for me.   What do I gain by excessively giving up my time to work?   Well, I get financially rewarded, but it also keeps me busy and not that much time to evaluate what else I want out of life.   

I want more fun, and it’s that simple. So it’s time for me to say ‘yes’ to fun.

I can have fun with my work, setting challenges, creating solutions, and using my organizational skills to provide the information my clients need to grow their businesses.   Yet…I’ve learned over my lifetime:  too much of one part of my life, depletes me, so I need to create space for other aspects of my well-being.   Every situation provides a life lesson if we are willing to slow down and absorb the message.   For me, my body is tired from overworking and it’s time to refuel my energy with fun, creativity and basic R&R. 

Life Lesson
It’s not about whether my work ethic is right or wrong, rather it’s when I create drama in my life by visiting the extreme of any behavior.  My body knows immediately when I’m working too much, eating too much or not exercising, or giving up my time listening to others complain who have no intention of changing.  These situations deplete my energy.  The lesson for me is to listen to my body and it will tell me what I need.  Today, I need to write, organize my desk, take a walk, go to my favorite store and wander around, meditate and cook a good lentil soup.

What About You?

• Do you have a hard time saying “no?”   If so, is it in all areas, or one person or situation? 
• Do you have any ‘pearls of wisdom’ you can share with others who struggle with the ‘no’ issue?

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)

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The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun  by Gretchen Rubin

Tags: no fun, workaholic

2 Responses to “Hard Time Saying ‘No””

1. Mike Perry Says:
   January 15th, 2010 at 1:23 pm

   Very interesting. Life is indeed one big lesson, that’s probably it’s whole purpose.

   I guess most of us have trouble saying ‘no’ to certain people - our parents say. But there is always a ‘nice’ way of saying this and it is something we have to learn to do - otherwise our lives will be taken over by others and we won’t be able to express ourselves to our full potential.

   Arrived here via blogcatalog by the way.

   Mike.

2. Pat Says:
   January 24th, 2010 at 11:12 am

   Hi Mike
   Thanks for visiting. You are right when you say we need to say “no” otherwise we won’t live our full potential.

   Pat

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