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Life Changes Quickly

July 27th, 2009 in Friends, Personal Growth

I’m coasting along my path in life, minding my own business (well not exactly) when a significant change comes into my world.  Have you had this experience?   One day you have one reality and the next day it changes.

I have a close friend, the type where you hang out with and talk about everything and nothing in particular and I am comfortable to be me.  She has a wonderful smile, cute sense of humor and is a great problem solver.   We have shared children, boyfriends, other friends, and business together and have formed a deep relationship built from all the layers of every day life and being there for each other the last 24 years.  I trust and treasure our friendship.

About three weeks ago, we were relaxing outside her backyard, enjoying the sun and catching up with each other.   We do a lot talking during the week, but face-to-face time is such a treat.   My friend owns real estate and had mentioned in the past that if this one house in Las Vegas were available they would think of moving from New York to Las Vegas.  This was casual talk, talk that you never think will actually materialize.  The move would only be for financial reasons as she is feeling the stress of maintaining several houses in this market.  Money issues, whether up or down, can motivate us to change.  

She casually mentioned the house was now available, and I responded with this is a good time for you to take care of yourself and reduce the financial stresses.  We have both had health challenges and I’m a strong believer that stress exacerbates and makes us physically vulnerable.  I kept pursuing the conversation with her. 

As the conversation evolved, we started to get into the details of what this move would look like for her.  She has her own software consulting business and how would this move affect her relationship with her clients.  She is critical to the success of her clients and she is intimate with all of their accounting software, which runs their business.   As we started to problem solve all the challenges a move would entailed, she started to own the reality of the move.  As she unraveled all the entanglements of living in her current home, she saw she could do the move.

In the three weeks, she has rented her home in New York, started to sell her furniture, contacted movers, spoke to her clients, family and friends about the move.   The great gift of this move, besides financial relief, is she will be next to her daughter and she will come back to New York on a regular basis to service her clients.  

From July 5th until August 21st, she will break down a life long residency in New York and create a new life in Las Vegas. 

I got home that night, sat down and started to absorb the impact of our conversation.   I asked myself “what did you do?”  I was so busy being in her world, helping her sort out what she needed to do to take care of herself that I didn’t sit with my own feelings. It will be a change…she is no longer is an easy drive away.  No more face-to-face long lunches and even longer hours together drinking coffee, then continuing our conversation over decaf tea because we had too much caffeine.   We never ran out of words and enjoyed the luxury of having all the time in the world.    Now our time together will be parceled out, as her time will be limited and many people to see while in New York.

I know we will see each other, but I also know that I can’t casually drive 40 minutes to hang out for the day with her.  We will continue to talk, but the 3-hour difference will limit our time.  We always joked that I didn’t call her before 9:00 am and she didn’t call me after 9:00 pm.  No longer will she be close by and on the same time zone.

I do love this dear friend and I’m willing to let her go, because it’s the best solution for her.   Letting go means, I’m ok with her decision.  Yes, I’m sad that we will lose some of the easiness of being together.    The life lesson I’ve learned is I don’t need to be fearful of this change because we still have more of life to share with each other.

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(Pat Brill)


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10 Responses to “Life Changes Quickly”

  1. Pak Idrus Says:
    July 29th, 2009 at 10:55 pm

    Hey there, that was really a nice write up of friendship. Love is about freedom, so setting it free mean you do really treasured your friendship.

    Have a nice day and take care.

  2. sharon Says:
    August 2nd, 2009 at 9:21 pm

    i feel just like we out grow clothes and relationships, we also outgrow freinds. you will know when after you talk to these freinds you feel as if someone has such all of the energy out of you. i’m not saying dont have any relationship with your freind but i’m saying you have to look at limiting the time and energy you donate to him or her.

  3. Pat Says:
    August 16th, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Hi Sharon
    Yes, you aptly described how I feel right now. Letting go of the sorrow and letting my friend go freely without the drag of loss. We will never lose contact…it’s only physical space.

    Thanks for sharing.
    Pat

  4. Pat Says:
    August 16th, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    Pak, that last message was for you…I looked to quickly at the name.

    Sharon, sometimes we do outgrow friendships. In this case, I will never outgrow this person…she has added a lot of depth to my life.

    Pat

  5. ubcgunda Says:
    August 18th, 2009 at 1:03 am

    I really like this blog… I can relate to alot of the stories you have posted on it, and look forward to reading more!

  6. raynz Says:
    September 8th, 2009 at 1:47 am

    I can feel the sadness. It’s such a nice blog about friendship and a great example of selfless love. BTW, don’t despair, the joy of meeting her will be doubled once you get the opportunity to spend time with her in the future. It’s sure to come..

  7. Pat Says:
    September 22nd, 2009 at 5:51 am

    I will probably savor our time together in a different way now. It will always be a treat to see her…what a wonderful feeling.

    Thank you all for your kind words of wisdom.
    Pat

  8. maria Says:
    November 12th, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    really had great time reading your blogs! its very inspiring.Thank God for all the people who touches my life in this very simple way. God bless as all.

  9. Helena Metcalf Says:
    January 28th, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    I came across this at the right time it seems. Although I have not had a 24 year friendship with my Anna, I still have to break the news that we may have to move quite a distance away to earn more money. We have been inseparable this year, and I have to own my feelings of sadness about the transition for her as well as for us. She’s single, where as I’m married. I fear this will devastate her, but in reading your article, I kind of understand that it will be ok. If it is meant to be it will whether all storms, right?
    Helena
    http://blog.rawrmones.net/

  10. miesoul Says:
    February 12th, 2010 at 9:10 am

    I was searching for blogs that doesnt do reviews of anything and I happen upon your blog! Your blog is what I’m looking for, blog that shares real life experiences and lessons, I already read some of your post and they are really good, tackling bout the real life and how you face and handled them. Too bad I cant follow u coz Im on blogspot. I’m also just starting out on blogging. I hope I will be able to express my thoughts and feelings like you do so well in words…thanks for creating a blog like this, it can enlighten some peoples dilemmas and questions bout life.


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