Compassion For Myself

My niece had a boy….beautiful baby.   Yesterday, we all gathered for the Jewish ‘bris’ which occurs on the 8th day of a boy’s birth to bond him within Judaism and to celebrate the naming of this beautiful child.   As I reflect on the experience for me and for those around me, I realized every situation has room to learn about loving ourselves.

The event was for 3 pm and I just made it.  The New York City traffic can be a bit challenging, especially on a sunny, Saturday afternoon when everyone has the urge to get out of the house and do something.   Sometimes it’s obvious why there is a traffic jam.  Though many times I reach the area where the bottleneck was and I have no idea what caused the traffic to slow down to almost ‘non-moving.’   My thought is the angels of the road are having fun with us. 

Even though I was a bit anxious around being on time, the family event didn’t start until 3:30.    It was a short service, yet for the mother,  filled with anxiety and emotions, this rite of passage for a boy within Judaism can be challenging.  The mother just gave birth and houses intense emotions, is tired from the birth, and family and friends are in her home, all while she tries to settle her own self into motherhood.  She is a brand new mother…8 days into her new role.

What I learned from yesterday’s experience is that I can be a witness to my niece’s journey without having to make it better for her.     She’s a new mother and us mature mothers had wisdom to share….galore.    We wanted her to feel better, yet it’s her journey and she needs to travel down her own road.   What I noticed about my own behavior was my need to redirect her feelings to feeling better.  

Was I trying to make it better for her or for me?  I suspect it’s both, though probably more for me.   Why do I think that?   My niece was just expressing her present state and being true to herself.   I wanted to offer my sage wisdom, some of which was helpful, though too much of a good thing is overwhelming for the receiver.

How often we women offer advice instead of just sitting there listening and trusting our friends or love ones will know exactly what they need to do.

When I quickly offered advice without stopping long enough to listen to my niece,  I was stating that she didn’t know something and I needed to tell her.   I actually trust both her and her husband in the decisions they have made and continue to make around their lives.   They are good people…loving, sensitive and open to offering their best.   I saw the deep commitment they have for each other in an intimate moment when my niece just turned to her husband and he held her with all his love.   They are quite capable of supporting and loving each other in this new life passage.   

My niece has her own personal wisdom and she is capable of processing and learning from her feelings.    She is not afraid to feel her feelings.   

I learned two things form this experience.   First, listening is a relief for me because I don’t have to do anything except be present.  Second, I automatically judge myself when I behave in ways that I believe are not perfect.   I sensed I was being emotionally  invasive with my ‘advice’ with my niece and needed to back off and just be with her.   

My normal reaction is to judge myself around my behavior.  Today I asked how I could take the judging thought and direct it towards compassion and self-loving for myself.     Judgment doesn’t teach us, only adds negative energy into our lives.    We only learn from compassion and self-loving.

Life offers us lessons….where ever we go.   Today, I stopped long enough to learn how to treat myself with compassion and loving thoughts.  

What about you…Do you stop long enough to fill yourself with loving thoughts and compassion?

Pat
“To fully enjoy the ‘richness’ of our lives, we need to stop long enough to visit with ourselves.”
(By Pat Brill)

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Tags: compassion, self-love

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